fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
