i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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