A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
