i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
