Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
