new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize