I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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