Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize