did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize