Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
