i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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