I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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