do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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