Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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