i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
