I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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