wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
