omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
please don't ironically join a cult
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