plz talk dirty to me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
