Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
