I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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