I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found the puke drawer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
