if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
