You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize