I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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