by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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