Ambien. No doubt about it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
