so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
