you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
