someone threw a dead crab at me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
