Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize