I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
