Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
