make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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