Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Randomize
