I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize