im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
