if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
