Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
