Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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