we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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