Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
