so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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