i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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