The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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