So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your penis caused this!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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