So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His nipple licking is glorious
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