I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
