Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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