i think i have two assholes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
