dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
