So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
