im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
