And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize