when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
