Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
