thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
