i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
