omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
