The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
