I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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