i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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