mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
