Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize