Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
