I wanna bring you to show and tell
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
