If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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